I spent several years as an EMT, emergency medical technician, for
our city's volunteer fire department. One
of the first accessories I received from the city, even before obtaining the
dress uniform, was a fire pager. This
was legit. This small tiny black box
strapped precariously to my side represented a life I was willingly taking for
myself. This life was about being needed. Therefore, no matter when the pager sounded,
whether during family dinner or at 2 am in the morning, the response was always
the same. I would run, dashing past
whoever was around, jump in the truck, hit the lights and siren, and fly off to
wherever the call had come from. Always
with the realization that I may be called on to perform life-saving measures.
Although no
longer an EMT, I often think back to these days with fondness. In fact, strangely, I often hear the echoes
of that little black pager I carried so long ago. The dispatcher's crackling voice coming
across the airwaves, "69 year old female, fallen, unresponsive...."
and with an address given see myself jumping in my trusty white Chevy, red
lights twistingly piercing the dark of night and siren blaring, as I race to be
the hero.
Now, please don't hear me say that there's anything wrong with a
small amount of what is often regarded as hero complex. In fact, I think we all need to have a small
degree of this heroic desire deep within each of us. After all, it's this desire that compels us
in our striving to create the type of world that Jesus himself prayed for,
"...thy kingdom come, on earth as it is in heaven.” Were we to lack the desire to be about
something that is much bigger than we are, namely to be God's visible
representation here on earth, then what would be the point of continually
trying to improve this present reality? However,
I also wonder what happens when we try to perform this way with impure motives. Worse yet, do we always know when our motives
are in fact impure? Sadly, I think the
answer to this question is a resounding "no.” We do not always understand when we are
operating from impure, selfish motives.
Thus, consequently, we run stuck more often than we would like to
admit.
As leaders, and I believe we all have the tendency towards being
leaders, we must understand when we run stuck.
We simply cannot operate effectively from this position. Running stuck leads to feelings of
frustration, hopelessness, and fear. With
these feelings in tow we often operate from positions of reactivity rather than
proactively, from a position of fear rather than from a position of trust. Worse yet, when we try to lead from the stuck
position we only fool ourselves. How
much better is it if we address the cause of this stuckness rather than
continually spinning our wheels with no traction? As Michaelson states in his book Leadership
From Inside Out, "At times we need to uncover why we are who we are, and
in the process"[1]
we may well discover some areas of soul
damage that await the Father's healing touch.
This process of looking deep within ourselves is a process towards
discovery. Buried deep within are all
the pains of past failures, the bruises of unresolved conflicts, the burdens of
past mistakes. All of these we bury in
an effort to preserve our outward appearance.
Yet, without addressing these pains, bruises, and burdens, we grant them
opportunity to fester and create disease within our very nephesh, our very
being. As these festering diseases
continue to grow worse, they begin dominating us. Thus, as they dominate, we begin to exhibit
negative behaviors externally, compromising our ability to lead. It is in this compromise that our trust and
respect are cast asunder.
How much better if we know ourselves as leaders well enough that
these demons no longer possess the ability to jeopardize our leadership. Undoubtedly, "those....(in)
leadership...are under an obligation to know themselves."[2]
Self-awareness, no matter how many demons may lie in wait within the dark
recesses of our soul, has the further advantage, not only of removing the
obstacles we may inadvertently place in our own way as we lead, it also helps
us focus solely on our Heavenly Father's work in our lives. Self awareness shows us that even though we
are fallen far from the graces of God we still are "fundamentally loved,
accepted, and forgiven."[3]
Romans 5:8 tells us, "But God proves his love for us in that while we
still were sinners Christ died for us.” It
is this boundless love of God for us that we are called to nurture and extend both
to ourselves as well as to those we lead.
Thus, we are, and must remain, "rooted and grounded in the gracious
presence of God's boundless love."[4]
Theologian Henri Nouwen, in his book Return of the Prodigal Son,
offers these words to us as leaders: "As the Beloved, I can confront, console,
admonish, and encourage without fear of rejection or need of affirmation. As the Beloved, I can suffer persecution
without desire for revenge and receive praise without using it as a proof of my
own goodness.” Finalizing this logic
Michaelson states, "[5]Such
knowledge of the heart is the final goal of the journey for any who seek the
inner freedom of knowing who and whose they are, and then freely and graciously
offering the gift of themselves in their service and leadership of
others."[6]
Amen, may it be so.
Today this is my view from the road less traveled.
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