Kryptonite

Superman was one of my favorite super heroes growing up.  As a young kid, I used to wake up early on Saturday morning to watch Hanna Barbera’s Super Friends show.  Superman, Batman, Robin, Wonder Woman, and all the rest daringly took on the likes of Lex Luther, Darkseid, Stein, and others always saving the poor unsuspecting citizens of Metropolis.  These imaginary super heroes’s always captured my fancy.  Yet, although these cartoons were awesome to watch, never did I realize that Kryptonite was such a real thing.  You see, Kryptonite is the one thing that stops Superman dead in his tracks.  It’s this substance, from his original home planet of Krypton, which possesses the power and strength to thwart any of the man of steel’s feats of strength.  Moreover, as I have already mentioned it’s for real.

Now, I don’t mean it’s for real in the sense that there is some rock out there, call it a mineral if it makes you feel better, that will stop the real life Superman inside each one of us, dead in our tracks.  But, I do mean that we all have our own Kryptonite’s we are susceptible to.  Those things from our original home planet, our inner being, that make us react and act in certain ways.  We all possess inner demons, weaknesses, and vulnerabilities, secret vulnerabilities that drive and compel us to do things a certain way.  Maybe it’s the way we handle stress, an addiction pattern, workaholism, perfectionist tendencies, the way we respond to others, the way we relate with others when things don’t quite go our way, needing to be needed, the list of vulnerabilities is endless.  Much like Kryptonite, all these demons and vulnerabilities have the same devastating effect on our leadership as Kryptonite had on Superman.  These things stop us dead in our tracks and threaten to destroy, or seriously derail, our leadership if they catch us unaware.  It seems we all have flaws; it’s how we handle the flaws that mark us as effective leaders.  As Michaelson points out, “the inner life of a leader, in the end, directly affects whether a leader can truly lead.”[1]

So, given all of this, what options do we have to avoid Kryptonite?  First, as I did for many years, you can try to cover up these secret vulnerabilities and try to fight them.  Now, in order for you to understand this concept I must divulge what my secret vulnerabilities are. I have two major vulnerabilities, I am a workaholic, and I am a perfectionist.  For years, I hid these vulnerabilities from those who knew me, or so I thought.  You see, although I thought I hid these vulnerabilities well, everybody who knew me well knew I was a perfectionistic workaholic.  I was the first one on the job at 7:30 am and the last one to leave at 7:30 pm. Then, when everybody else went home to be with their family, I went home to my home office where I would work on more work until late into the evening.  My family was lucky if they were able to have dinner with me once a week.  And, because I was good at what I did, the praise and accolades I received fueled my desire to keep doing this.  In the end, although I fought hard to cover these vulnerabilities, they almost cost me everything that was the most valuable to me.  Thus forcing me to realize the power of the second option.

Since “leadership today requires people of character who are capable of creating a climate of trust, identifying values, building integrity, and sustaining vision,”[2]  and since this type of leadership cannot be segregated from personal integrity, but rather must be completely interwoven, the second option we have as leaders is to form accountability groups with each other.  As a man and maybe for some women also, it can be really difficult to be completely honest with ourselves in front of others.  Yet, an accountability group allows for this type of interaction.  At its best, this group is “a confidential community of faith and trust, where one’s journey, one’s wounds, and one’s hopes can be freely shared through a well-examined life, mediating the healing power of grace.”[3] You see, it’s in these groups that a leader is allowed to examine “their own unique vulnerabilities, share personal accountability for their growth, and deepen the spiritual integration of lives and service.”[4] Thus, these groups serve as a catalyst to identify and begin taking steps to eradicate  the Kryptonite from our inner beings.

The saying is that it’s awful lonely at the top.  I have been there and experienced it all.  Then, because I was blind-sided by the Kryptonite of my inner being and my secret vulnerabilities, I lost it all, almost.  I say in all honesty that I will never lead again without an accountability group that knows me intimately as much as I know them intimately.  For me this is an important and principle part to being a successful leader.  Proverbs says it this way, “Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens the wits of another.”  (Proverbs 27:17)  My accountability group is that iron in my life.  These are the people that know the real me, the me I reserve only for those closest to me to see.  Thus, because they do know the real me, these are the people who can speak the hard truth when that’s what I need, or act as the sounding board when questions and dilemmas arise.  But mostly these are the people that love the real me for me.  I had to learn the lesson of accountability in my life the hard way.  If there is only one thing I could say to you, my reader, I pray that you don’t have to make this same mistake.

For today, this is my view from The Open Road.

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[1] Granberg-Michaelson, Wesley.  Leadership from Inside Out.  New York, NY: The Crossroads Publishing Company, 2004.  Pg. 30

[2] Ibid, Pg. 31

[3] Ibid, Pg. 34

[4] Ibid, Pg. 35