Patience

James 5:7

Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming.

1.   The quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance,

       misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.

2.      An ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when

       confronted with delay.

3.     Quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence

Patience and trust, the two are intricately linked together.

As Christian believers ours is a life of in-between living. We live every day of our lives in the dynamic tension between Christ’s incarnation and Christ’s second coming, between the Cross of Calvary and Calvary’s trumpet call on the great and glorious day of the Lord. Already/Not Yet existence, between redemption accomplished and redemption recognized and realized requires that we exercise great patience despite ever increasing opposition.

The Apostle Paul knew the difficulty this life of patience poses. To the Galatian Christians he writes, “By contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against such things. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.” (Gal. 5:22-24) Paul says, this life of patience is not the normal condition of any of our hearts. Rather, our desires and passions are adverse to patience. We find ourselves, caught in our human natures, struggling with patience frequently.

Yet, Almighty God offers to any of us the greatest example when it comes to patience. For he continually exercised extreme patience with Israel, even though Israel would repeatedly test God’s patience towards her. And where our patience would have fallen far short, God’s patience never falters. Even now, only because of God’s patience, are sinners given the necessary time to repent and turn around, amending their erroneous ways; as we eagerly await Christ’s return. This is the patience we are called to emulate in this life of in-between.

We too must be patient as we endure and face every opposition and adversity. For…

We are confident of better things..... things that belong to [our] salvation. [So,] show the same diligence so as to realize the full assurance of hope to the very end, so that you may not become sluggish, but [be] imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises. (Hebrews 6:9-12)

Yet, this life of patience, the active endurance- perseverance- when faced with opposition and/or adversity, is an extremely challenging concept to grasp and comprehend, isn’t it? I mean who among us, when surrounded by the difficulties of life, desires to pray: “Lord, allow this present circumstance or challenge to linger until you have shown me, through this present situation, what it is you would have me to know and learn.”

NO!!!

Our prayer frequently models Jesus’ prayer in the Garden: “Take this cup from me!!”

In fact, rarely do we possess the courage or conviction to pray the remainder of Jesus’ prayer, “Lord, not what I will, but thy will be done.” We simply do not like praying this second prayer, do we? No, because when we pray this second prayer this is the exact point at which patience and trust collide with one another.

 patience and trust, the two are intricately linked. In fact, trust is the most difficult ingredient to patience. Because patience requires that I trust God, as well as those God has surround me with. Moreover, trust means that I have to, I must, completely rely on Another. I must be dependent upon that which I cannot control. And therein lies the biggest challenge to both patience and trust. For we may be quite alright with those things which we feel we can fundamentally control. But what about those things which we have no way of controlling? We have major issues when things are beyond our control.

Yet, it’s right here, when things are far beyond our control, that God does some of his greatest work in any of our lives.  Because it is at this very point, patience and trust colliding and stripping us bare of all of our preconceived notions and all of our human limitations, that we find the God of the universe orchestrating and working things together for our good, in ways we would never have imagined possible. Thus, after encountering this God again, far removed from our man-made boxes and constructs, we discover the absolute bedrock to both patience and trust.

It is only because of God that we can exercise patience in the face of adversity and opposition. God is the ONLY certainty in a world plagued with uncertainty in which we can fully and completely trust. Because only God’s sovereignty governs every event of this life of in-between living, whether insignificant or monumental. And when patience finds its anchor in the Almighty God of the universe, the very same God who delights to have his children, call him daddy- Abba, then we can face every adversity with Spirit-produced patience knowing that: “neither death, nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8: 38-39)

May Almighty God himself bless each one of us with the gift of patience as we continue to live this life of in-between. And “May the God of steadfastness and encouragement grant [us] to live in harmony with one another, in accordance with Christ Jesus, so that together [we] may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (Romans 15:5-6)

To this end Lord, find us faithful.

Perseverance

Ephesians 6:18

To that end keep alert with all perseverance

Perseverance                                                           

1.  Steady and continued action or belief, usually over a long period and especially      despite difficulties or setbacks.

The necessary ingredient to living in this world of in-between is perseverance.

My dad has an oft heralded saying that goes something like this: Life by the yard is hard; life by the inch is a cinch. Now, I’m sure my dad was not the one who originally coined this phrase, nevertheless it was a phrase that I heard often as I grew up.

And though there’s really nothing wrong with this saying at all, I had huge issues with it. To me this phrase always sounded an alarm. It pushed the panic button on my own logic. You see, here’s the problem I had with this saying; I’ve always been a big picture, future oriented, person. I’m the kind of person who is conditioned to living life in the here and now, while allowing the immediate future to influence this present reality. One eye fixed on the cares and concerns of today; while the other eye is set to the future in eager anticipation of what lies just beyond the horizon. And so for me, my dad’s saying used to drive me nuts! And, to be completely transparent, times remain when this is still the case.

Dad had this innate ability to offer this saying whenever he knew I needed it most. Though at the time, embattled in whatever dilemma or difficulty I was currently facing, this was always the last thing I wanted to hear.

           

            School stress, girl woes, job difficulties……

            Later to become marital concerns, financial stress, self-employment, 
            raising children…

            All of it, and so much more……

Never once did I want to measure these difficult times or seasons of my life in inches. Rather I longed for these seasons to be measured in yards, miles even! Whatever! So long as I didn’t have to be patient, or be still despite the troubles. I was over it, whatever it was, long before it ever began! During these times, as I often lamented whatever woe had befallen me with my dad, dad would listen, offer whatever tried and true advice he could, and then say softly and simply: “Now remember son, life by the yard is hard; life by the inch is a cinch.” It used to drive me bonkers!

But, as a young and restless boy, what I failed to understand-the one thing that has since transformed this saying for me- is this. Dad was right! And dad was right because he had enough history behind him to recognize the necessary ingredient to living in this world of in-between was and is perseverance. Moreover, what dad knew about perseverance he longed to teach to his children, and so he implemented a short little phrase to capture this reality; a phrase I can still remember today; in fact, a phrase I have often heard myself use with my own children. (It’s scary how often we sound just like our parents, isn’t it?)

Perseverance- call it whatever you want:

-          Steadfastness                    - Constancy

-          Patience                             - Determination

-          Persistence                        - Stubbornness

-          Stick-to-itiveness              -Or, as Paul says, Pressing On

All of these terms only highlight the one main point- perseverance is the ability to stay the course even when, or especially when, life gets difficult and arduous. Paul says, “This one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:13-14) There can be no better example of a Biblical great than Paul who modeled the necessary ingredient in the Christian life of perseverance. Paul pressed on- persevered- despite prison, shipwreck, torture, false accusations, and so much more, setting an example for us, as Christians, to follow.

As Christians living in this world of in-between, between Redemption Accomplished through the blood of Jesus Christ on the cross of Calvary and Redemption Realized which is yet to come when Jesus Christ comes again at the second coming, we are called to persevere. Ours is only ever a life measured by difficulty and delay. Sickness, financial turmoil, family misunderstandings, divorce, job loss; not to mention wars and rumors of war, famine, amoral governments, and various and sundry anti-Christian opposition- all of this and so much more continually emphasize our need for perseverance.

And, it is only as we continue to persist, and this perseverance made possible only by the power and presence of the Holy Spirit within the life of the believer, despite all of the in-between world delays and difficulties, that success- eternal life- will be achieved.

This is the beautiful picture John offers us in Revelation 21:1-5:

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “See, the home of God is among mortals. He will dwell with them as their God; they will be his peoples, and God himself will be with them;he will wipe every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; mourning and crying and pain will be no more, for the first things have passed away.” And the one who was seated on the throne said, “See, I am making all things new.”

This, my friends, is the hope of our perseverance. 

Holy Passion

Exodus 33: 13; 18

Show me your ways, so that I may know you

“Show me your glory, I pray.”

PASSION

1. Concentrated wisdom with high energy in the pursuit of meaning.

Passion produces purpose!

Passion- it’s contagious!

What is that one thing that drives you? That one thing that you are willing to devote your all to? This is where passion begins. Passion begins by asking each of us to define that one thing. What is your first love? And, why? This is where passion begins. But passion proceeds quickly by asking, “What is your motivation? What drives you to do the things you do?” And passion does not stop here. Rather it strips down deep below the surface of our life, to the very root of our reasoning. Why are you committed to this? And then it continues by asking how. How will you give voice to me, your passion? How will you achieve that to which you are so committed?  

It is here, in the questions of how, that passion promotes unity. For, as we answer the questions of how, we are drawn away from independent individualism and into community with those that share our same passion. In this way we toil together for our passion’s manifestation right here, right now. Passion promotes intensity, forcing us to concentrate all of our energy, putting forth our very best effort to achieve the desired result, our passion.  And because passion does this, it assures accomplishment providing intentionality to our life. Passion in fact creates purpose, which itself gives a depth of meaning to our life. Thus passion, because of purpose, forces us to rise high above the sin of mediocrity. Passion transforms us from a smoldering wild grass fire to the intensity of a fire produced by a welder’s torch, as we live united in the power of passion.

The story is told of an interview that occurred between a young aspiring author and a wily old veteran author. Upon sitting down and procuring his journalist’s notebook, the young author began the interview. The usual questions began flowing from the young author; Where and how did you get your start? What was the best piece you’ve ever written? How does inspiration happen? On and on the rookie writer probed the old veteran in the ebb and flow of question and answer.

Then the rookie asked the one question that forced all the others into the muted background of that moment. “If you had it to do all over again,” asked the young writer,“how or what would you do differently?”

As the tears threatened to cascade from the corners of the old veteran’s tired eyes, betraying the sensitivity hidden deep within, the veteran author replied. “Were I to have the opportunity to do it all over, I would find that one thing, that something or someone, big enough to devote my entire self, 100% of me, too.”

At the end of it all, even after a lifetime of achievement, that one thing the old veteran writer desired most was to have lived a life marked by passion. And, you and I aren’t that different, are we? We too desire to live lives marked by passion. We too long to unite all of our being, mind-heart-and soul, around that one thing.

So, let me ask a bold question, what if that which fueled our passion, that which became the one thing, was simply to know God more? To borrow from the Apostle Paul, “this one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:13-14) What if this became the power of our passion? What if we prayed beside Moses, “God, show me your glory! Show me your ways!” And then, when God did reveal himself to us, because he will, what if willingly allowed God’s self-manifestation to transform us. Then could we be so bold as to live all of life with a holy passion, sharing these stories of transformation one with another. What if we became a people so filled and fueled by this holy passion that it radically transformed us that we could not help but make God known: in our work, in our play, at school, at home, in the market, in the public square.

Wherever we are- no matter the place, no matter the circumstance- may we be a people of holy passion! Lord, show us your glory! Show us your ways! May we be a people whose deepest desire is to know you and to make you known.

Are you bold enough to live all of your life marked by Holy Passion?

Prioritization

Even as I write this post, I sit in the ICU room of my father-in-law.  I am accompanied by my wife, her mother, and of course, the one person we are all here for, my father-in-law Adrian.  We sit by his bedside and wait.  Waiting is extremely difficult, especially when a member of the family is the one lying in the bed.  Yet, sitting here has given me copious amounts of time to think, pondering how this reality affects and influences my future leadership.

So, what do waiting in a hospital room and leadership have in common?  I'll explain through a short story.

As any seminary student knows the common practice is to go through the entire week, preparing for classes, reading books, writing papers, studying language, memorizing... all these and so much more comprise the week of a seminarian.  This leaves very little time to prepare a sermon throughout the course of a week.  Thus for me, and many others, preparation for a Sunday morning sermon occurs most typically on Friday afternoon and Saturday.  It's not that we don't know what we are going to preach on, passage wise, or that we do not seek to compose some thoughts roughly before Friday/Saturday.  It's just that the majority of the sermon outlining and writing necessitates being accomplished on Friday afternoon and Saturday during the day.

It's into this sacred space that this current leadership lesson plays out.  With my last sermon at my teaching church scheduled for the coming Sunday, amidst the craziness of final papers and projects, I faced the typical Friday/Saturday craziness of sermon preparation.  I knew what to preach, the thoughts were already copiously generated.  Yet, the writing had yet to be done.  Spending most of Friday digging beneath the surface of the text left the actual writing to Saturday.  Knowingly my wife left me to occupy myself with the art of sermon writing.  Barely two hours into this process my wife broke the concentration as she flew through the office, panic etched deep into the worried creases of her face, phone in one hand- a change of clothes in the other.  "Stop," I commanded, "What's going on?" my feeble question freezing her in place.  "Mom just called.  It's Dad...,” her response drifting into oblivion as I began my own hurried preparations dropping my pen mid thought.  Although both of us were very aware of this reality, neither one of us could be completely prepared.

Five hours later, still silently sitting in the ICU waiting area, I learned this week's leadership lesson.  Leadership is constantly about prioritization.  As leaders, we continually come face to face with too many things to do, all as seemingly important as the next thing, and not nearly, enough time to do them all.  Yesterday my reality forced me to prioritize, my sermon or my wife, staying home or going to the hospital, my children or my wife, being a pastoral presence to both my mom-in-law as well as my wife or being a husband and son...This is just the beginning as I'm sure there are several other choices regarding prioritization I fail to mention.  Yet, as I look at this list, I realize that all these things inform each other.  Thus, not one single thing can be isolated.  I am a pastor, but I am also, more importantly, a husband and a father.  I am a student but I am also, more significantly, a son-in-law.  I am a father but I am also a husband.  Not one single thing, call it the hats I wear, can be worn independent of another.  Rather, each one informs every other one.

So, what lesson have I learned concerning leadership throughout the last twenty-four hours, even as I sit in the ICU room?  I have learned that the only way for me to be a great leader is by identifying my priorities.  With the priorities identified, I am then able to handle all the other competing things, which vie for my attention.  In fact, once clearly identified, the priorities that present themselves every single day can be stacked up, looked at holistically, and then dealt with according to their individual priority level.  Yet, this can only be accomplished in as much as I understand clearly where my priorities lie.

The bottom line this week, especially as it relates to this concept of prioritization, KNOW YOUR PRIORITIES!  Understand their relationship to each other.  Then when life interrupts, as it always will, you can immediately figure out the most important priorities in your life and pay attention to them.

For today, this is my view from The Road Less Traveled.   

Adaptive Leadership: A Brief Definition

We live in a society that is both fast paced and convenient.  From 24 hour drive-thrus, to cell phone sized internet, to super grocery stores, to drive-thru pharmacies and dry cleaners, our world is definitely changing.  Depending on whom you ask when, this may be good but it also may be very bad.  However, no matter how you view these modern changes, one thing is certain “as the pace of change in society continues to accelerate, all organizations are facing the pressure to determine how they must adjust, renew, and alter themselves, sometimes in radical ways, in order to remain viable.”[1] As a former business owner, I could not agree more.  Even the church faces this current dilemma.  The church is forced to contend with the issue of relevancy amidst these changing and chaotic times.  So where does this leave us as leaders?

            It should not surprise us that as organizations are forced to continually change, re-evaluate, shift, and continually scan the horizon for what lies ahead, we as leaders must do the very same thing.  We must be open to change, continually re-evaluating ourselves and our leadership for what lies ahead. Today one may need to be the authoritarian leader who alone has to make the difficult decisions and tomorrow this same leader may need to be the charismatic leader whose “inspiration and creativity are provided....in an independent style.”[2] Above all though “leaders cannot remain static in organizations that are adapting and growing,”[3] rather they must become as adaptable as the organizations they seek to lead.  Michaelson states, “because of the pace of change today, it may well be the case that we don’t need different types of leaders as much as we need people who can lead in different types of ways.”[4]

            This practice is referred to as the practice of adaptive leadership.  As we begin to examine this practice, I stand atop a rabbit hole and peer deep within recalling my first RCA Classis examination.  Allow me to side track ever so slightly to bring this story into focus.  It was during a rather intense examination process that the art of leadership centered around me specifically.  Prior to this exact point, I indeed had always considered myself a leader.  After all, I had successfully run a small business for a number of years before establishing and running a 501c3 not for profit organization.  Yet never had I stopped to consider exactly what type of leader I really was.  However, on this particular day, during the examination, the proctor asked specifically “Derek, what type of leader are you?”  Answering as best I could, totally unprepared for the coming moments, I replied “It totally depends on the situation and what is called for in the particular situation.”  To wit the proctor responded, “No, you certainly will lead with one particular style- what is your style?”  Again, I replied as before, “It completely and totally depends on the situation.  I do not have just one style!”  Thus, the battle began, a battle that wound up reaching a stalemate thirty awkward minutes later.  I share this simply to say had I had words to describe myself as an adaptive leader, or if I simply knew what this meant, I could have avoided this awkward moment in the exam room.  I also share this to say that there seems to be a changing of the guard as it were.  Previously leaders could pick a style of leadership that best fit their personality and lead in that particular manner.  However, to be a great leader in today’s ever-changing culture much more is required.  Although “leadership is...essential for a group to...accomplish its mission, leaders are most effective when they have the wisdom and security to adapt their style of leadership to the dynamics of their organization and the requirements of their mission over time.”[5]  Thus, adaptive leadership becomes a primary style of leadership among today’s great leaders.

            But,  just what exactly is adaptive leadership?  In their book: The Practice of Adaptive Leadership, Heifetz, Grashow, and Linsky define adaptive leadership as the “practice of mobilizing people to tackle tough challenges and thrive.”[6] Adding further they define the term thriving as having three primary characteristics: “(1) it preserves the DNA essential for...continued survival; (2) it discards (re-regulates or rearranges) the DNA that no longer serves the (organization’s/ organism’s) current needs; (3) it creates DNA arrangements that give the (organization’s/ organism’s) the ability to flourish in new ways and in more challenging environments.”[7] Thus, at its base, an adaptable leader knows how “to take the best (practices and methodology) from (their organization’s) history (and move forward) into the future”[8] in new and exciting ways without losing sight of the mission or the values that guide the mission. Adding onto this, the adaptive leader not only does the above mentioned well they also empower others to journey with them, making important decisions along the way, thereby cultivating “a shared sense of allegiance and trust...among...all.”[9] It may be of further help to identify the best adaptive leader of all, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Is this not exactly what Jesus did during his earthly ministry here on earth? In regards to the three above mentioned areas: (1) he upheld the Torah as being of significant worth, stating “Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the prophets; I have come not to abolish but to fulfill.”  (Matthew 5:17 NRSV); (2) he did away with the legalism of the Pharisees who were content to chain the teaching of the Torah by unrealistic expectation; (3) and each time Jesus stripped something away from the Pharisees teachings, he gave it back to the people in a healthy new way.  Additionally, Jesus did all of this while inviting people to journey with him. He specifically chose the twelve disciples, pouring himself into them, but he also allowed the crowds to join in the journey he was on.  Jesus is the best example of an adaptive leader.

            Now, although no doubt, this is but a brief overview of the practice of adaptive leadership and many more words could be written in this regard, I have sought merely to begin the conversation of what adaptive leadership is and what it looks like.  I invite, and in fact, challenge you to dig deeper into this all-important topic of leadership on your own.  And, in Jesus’ own words, “Follow me...” as you begin to consider what adaptive leadership can bring to your own organization and life.

For today, this is my view from The Road Less Traveled.    

---

[1] Granberg-Michaelson, Wesley.  Leadership From Inside Out.  New York, NY: Crossroad Publishing Company, 2004.  Page 127

[2] Ibid, Page 129

[3] Ibid, Page 130

[4] Ibid, Page 131

[5] Ibid, Page 135

[6] Heifetz, Ronald, Alexander Grashow, and Marty Linsky.  The Practice of Adaptive Leadership.  Boston, Massachusetts: Harvard Business Press, 2009.  Page 14

[7] Ibid, Page 14

[8] Ibid, Page 14

[9] Granberg-Michaelson, Wesley.  Leadership From Inside Out.  New York, NY: Crossroad Publishing Company, 2004.  Page 134

Part of the Family

            I've spent plenty of time this semester pondering this strange thing called "call.”  What does it mean that we are "called," particularly to this office and vocation of ministry?  As of right now, I cannot answer this other than to say that I simply cannot do anything else.  Therefore, I guess I am indeed being called to the life of being a pastor.  Going forward with a clear sense of call indeed helps me begin dreaming about the type of church I long to lead.  Having had several opportunities to be involved in numerous churches through the years I can honestly state that I long to be a part of a family.

            I would love to say that developing the type of congregation that willingly journeys, as a quasi-family through life, celebrating joys, mourning losses, and everything else family does well would be an easy task.  The reality however, I know, is much different.  This I have witnessed first-hand, as I have been involved with numerous church families, some that were great family units, and others that, sadly, were not so great.  One thing I have noticed in all places is that largely the leader acts as the example, whether admittedly or not.  Their actions set the tone for how the church acts and operates.  It's as if the sheep follow their shepherd.  Yes, I do know that there are numerous examples that may prove otherwise, but grant that nine times of ten this is indeed the case.  If we grant this than we begin to see just why it is so important for the leader to lead, leading the way they wish the church to follow.  For me this is the biggest intimidation I have with being the established leader.  Simply put, I do not always want others to follow me.  I fear the blind leading the blind analogy.  Yet, this is exactly the role for which I am called.  

          

            Added into the present reality that engulfs me is the force of cultural conditioning that stands as a stark contrast against what the Church represents.  Culture screams for an independent reality that claims individual isolation.  Late seventies rock group Simon and Garfunkel topped the charts with a song where they belted out the lyrics, "I am a rock, I am an island...and a rock fells no pain and an island never cries.”  (Yes, I am old enough to remember the lyrics)  Not much has changed in the decades since this song's popularity and yet the church, you and I as leaders, preach an all together different message.  The church asks you to belong to a larger family of saints from all ages.  As young leaders, we ourselves are just emerging from the cultural fog that has enveloped us and are beginning to understand the truth of these statements.  Which just forces us to stop and ask, how do we lead well against these cultural forces holding up a much different reality.

            Yet, as leaders, we are forced even beyond cultural conditioning and must  contend even further with our own limitations.  For not only has culture had a shaping influence upon us, but our own past brings to bear, unless redeemed and liberated from by gone mistakes, on our present and future leadership as well.  For me personally, this comes into significant focus as it regards the issue of trust.  Inherent in any family system is an underlying current of trust.  A "good" family simply cannot be built without a certain base level of trust existing.  Owing in large account to past failures in my life, I am a bit apprehensive of people.  I simply do not fully trust people for quite some time.  It is healthy, I feel, to have a certain amount of apprehension but when this leads to distancing and lack of engagement with others it poses a problem.  It's this level of detachment that at times can be palpably felt by others, I know, I have been told as much.  Consequently, as I previously stated, since sheep follow the shepherd if I remain off-standish then should I expect any less of my congregation?  This for me then becomes one of the biggest issues I specifically need to ask God's light to shine into and illuminate for me so it does not mark my leadership going forward from here. 

            

            Who knows where God will choose to place me.  One thing I do know is that he already has the end of my seminary journey planned out, specifically for me.  I journey forward in faith, and trust knowing that sometime soon I will in fact take my stand inside of a church in Somewhere, America, embraced and loved by my new extended family.

Today this is my view from the Open Road.

"911- What is your emergency?"

I spent several years as an EMT, emergency medical technician, for our city's volunteer fire department.  One of the first accessories I received from the city, even before obtaining the dress uniform, was a fire pager.  This was legit.  This small tiny black box strapped precariously to my side represented a life I was willingly taking for myself.  This life was about being needed.  Therefore, no matter when the pager sounded, whether during family dinner or at 2 am in the morning, the response was always the same.  I would run, dashing past whoever was around, jump in the truck, hit the lights and siren, and fly off to wherever the call had come from.  Always with the realization that I may be called on to perform life-saving measures.

Although no longer an EMT, I often think back to these days with fondness.  In fact, strangely, I often hear the echoes of that little black pager I carried so long ago.  The dispatcher's crackling voice coming across the airwaves, "69 year old female, fallen, unresponsive...." and with an address given see myself jumping in my trusty white Chevy, red lights twistingly piercing the dark of night and siren blaring, as I race to be the hero.

Now, please don't hear me say that there's anything wrong with a small amount of what is often regarded as hero complex.  In fact, I think we all need to have a small degree of this heroic desire deep within each of us.  After all, it's this desire that compels us in our striving to create the type of world that Jesus himself prayed for, "...thy kingdom come, on earth as it is in heaven.”  Were we to lack the desire to be about something that is much bigger than we are, namely to be God's visible representation here on earth, then what would be the point of continually trying to improve this present reality?  However, I also wonder what happens when we try to perform this way with impure motives.  Worse yet, do we always know when our motives are in fact impure?  Sadly, I think the answer to this question is a resounding "no.”  We do not always understand when we are operating from impure, selfish motives.  Thus, consequently, we run stuck more often than we would like to admit.    

As leaders, and I believe we all have the tendency towards being leaders, we must understand when we run stuck.  We simply cannot operate effectively from this position.  Running stuck leads to feelings of frustration, hopelessness, and fear.  With these feelings in tow we often operate from positions of reactivity rather than proactively, from a position of fear rather than from a position of trust.  Worse yet, when we try to lead from the stuck position we only fool ourselves.  How much better is it if we address the cause of this stuckness rather than continually spinning our wheels with no traction?  As Michaelson states in his book Leadership From Inside Out, "At times we need to uncover why we are who we are, and in the process"[1] we may well discover some areas of soul damage that await the Father's healing touch.

This process of looking deep within ourselves is a process towards discovery.  Buried deep within are all the pains of past failures, the bruises of unresolved conflicts, the burdens of past mistakes.  All of these we bury in an effort to preserve our outward appearance.  Yet, without addressing these pains, bruises, and burdens, we grant them opportunity to fester and create disease within our very nephesh, our very being.  As these festering diseases continue to grow worse, they begin dominating us.  Thus, as they dominate, we begin to exhibit negative behaviors externally, compromising our ability to lead.  It is in this compromise that our trust and respect are cast asunder.

How much better if we know ourselves as leaders well enough that these demons no longer possess the ability to jeopardize our leadership.  Undoubtedly, "those....(in) leadership...are under an obligation to know themselves."[2] Self-awareness, no matter how many demons may lie in wait within the dark recesses of our soul, has the further advantage, not only of removing the obstacles we may inadvertently place in our own way as we lead, it also helps us focus solely on our Heavenly Father's work in our lives.  Self awareness shows us that even though we are fallen far from the graces of God we still are "fundamentally loved, accepted, and forgiven."[3] Romans 5:8 tells us, "But God proves his love for us in that while we still were sinners Christ died for us.”  It is this boundless love of God for us that we are called to nurture and extend both to ourselves as well as to those we lead.  Thus, we are, and must remain, "rooted and grounded in the gracious presence of God's boundless love."[4]

Theologian Henri Nouwen, in his book Return of the Prodigal Son, offers these words to us as leaders: "As the Beloved, I can confront, console, admonish, and encourage without fear of rejection or need of affirmation.  As the Beloved, I can suffer persecution without desire for revenge and receive praise without using it as a proof of my own goodness.”  Finalizing this logic Michaelson states, "[5]Such knowledge of the heart is the final goal of the journey for any who seek the inner freedom of knowing who and whose they are, and then freely and graciously offering the gift of themselves in their service and leadership of others."[6] Amen, may it be so.

Today this is my view from the road less traveled.   

---

[1] LFIO, page 51

[2] LFIO, Pg. 52

[3] LFIO, Pg. 54

[4] LFIO, Pg. 55

[5] Ibid

[6] Ibid

Enmeshment/ Self-Differentiation: A Choice

“We live in a culture where it seems almost natural for work to define our identity.”[1] Consider, on meeting somebody for the first time nine times out of ten one of the very first questions we ask is, “what do you do for a living?”  Then, with answer given, we begin a process of deeper reflection that seeks to identify some of our underlying suppositions regarding this person we have just met.  We can judge their educational level, their societal class, their income level, and so much more.  It seems that you can tell a lot about somebody simply by what they do, at least that is the silent message we send out.  However, what if we’re wrong, what if what we do for a living is not who we really are?  Could there be more to us than just our jobs?  And, if so, if there is more to us than our jobs let on, how do we ever begin to recognize this in each other?  Have you ever found yourself asking these kinds of questions?

For years, I worked as a residential builder, in fact for many of these years I owned my own company.  My entire world revolved around work boots and tattered clothes, the clothes of working class people.  I was good at what I did, and I took a lot of pride in what I did. Yet, I always bristled at the question, “So, what do you do for a living?” You see, for me this was a way to qualify me and who the person asking the silly question thought I was. Yet, despite my personal angst with the question, I always found myself answering the question. Never did I say, “Why do you ask?  I’m not defined by my occupation!”  No, rather I’d answer, “I’m a residential builder.”  You see, I never even let on that I was an independent business owner, nor that my deepest passion was to provide for my family, not even that I was constantly looking for the next movement in the construction industry hoping to be the first one to capitalize on it.  No, I never said any of this because none of this really mattered to the one asking the question. No, rather I became enmeshed in this identity as a residential builder.  In fact, I became so enmeshed that my “social life (became) an appendage of (my) work; (and) the tensions of work stay(ed) with (me) in (my) sleep....”[2] shaping the reality of even my dreams.  Worse yet, when my world began falling apart around me I was the last person to see it.  I was so concerned with the tree right in front of me that I failed to step back and see the entire forest.  Consequently, when the reality of the destruction that took place in my life reached my attention, it was entirely too late for me to do anything about it.

  

So, is there an alternative way to enmeshment?  The answer quite simply is yes.  As leaders, we need to become self-differentiated from our organizations.  Although this is a hard process, self-differentiation begins breaking enmeshment’s bonds and helps one to realize that what they do need not define who they are.  Consider this question, “what waters your soul in the course of your work?”[3] Is there something that, amid the busyness and chaos of your work, you do away from your occupation that feeds you?  Or, to consider it from a slightly nuanced angle, what charges your batteries?  How can you incorporate more time for this in your life?  By forcing yourself to articulate these things, those things that bring you satisfaction away from work, you begin creating a different reality for yourself. This results in a better ability to think and work productively when you are at work. Michaelson states, and I concur, that “all of us need the replenishment of living waters to participate fully in God’s work to heal the world.”[4] So, self-differentiation, although a bit of a confusing term, simply means your ability to see yourself for who you really are.  It’s your ability to recognize the you, the true you that only you see.

Yet, I wonder how many of us don’t really know who we truly are? I wonder how many of us have allowed other’s feelings and thoughts to define us for so long that it is hard to see the real person hidden in the depths of our souls. You see, the work of self-differentiation is extremely hard to do alone.  For those of us who have done it alone, we stand as testimony to this fact.  Here is where a person- typically called a Spiritual Director is most beneficial.  For those of you unfamiliar with a Spiritual director, it this person’s job to “create a safe and welcoming space where (one) can come and share deeply out of (one’s) inner dialogue to know and listen to God.”[5] Further, it is the Spiritual Director’s job to help you by sharing in the journey with you.

So, although this has been a brief encounter with self-differentiation, I hope it has served to begin the conversation of who you truly are.  I hope further that you allow yourself to wrestle a bit with the concept of enmeshment vs. self-differentiation.  At the end of the day, the choice is yours to make.  Will you allow yourself to be blind-sided by the problems you cannot see because of the tree that stands in your path?  Or, will you pull yourself away far enough that you can see the entire forest?  This is exactly what self-differentiation can do for you.

Today, this is my view from the Road Less Traveled

---

[1] Granberg-Michaelson, Wesley.  Leadership from Inside Out.  New York, NY: The Crossroads Publishing Company, 2004.  Pg 46

[2] Ibid, Pg. 46

[3] Ibid, Pg. 44

[4] Ibid, Pg. 44

[5] Ibid, Pg. 45-46